Toke Makinwa, a well-known Nigerian actress and media personality, recently shared her thoughts on marriage and being single at 40. In the latest episode of her podcast, Toke Moments, titled I Am Growing Up, Not Old, she opened up about her personal journey.
She revealed that if she had remarried after her divorce, she would likely have faced another divorce. Toke admitted that she used to fear being single and childless at 40, but she has now come to accept it.
She said, “Regret is so exhausting. Get comfortable with your truth. The hardest thing I could say to myself is that I’m 40, single, and childless. I said it, and I did not die. That used to make me almost tear up. I used to feel like, ‘Oh my God, how am I 40 and I don’t have a child, single and lonely?’”
“If I’m completely honest with you guys, if I had gotten married again, I would be divorced again. Because the lessons just never stop. I’m grateful for the journey, I’m grateful for where I am, I’m grateful that I’m 40. Life is perspective. I could look at it like, ‘Oh my God, I’m 40, and I don’t have a child, I don’t have a husband. People have passed me.’ But I can look at it as, ‘I’m 40, I’m a boss, I’ve built an empire. I’m one of the most resounding voices in Africa. I have the love of family, I’m in great health, I love what I do, I’m not waking up miserable. I have the right amount of people that are supposed to be in my life.’ Sometimes, you need to sit with your truth. And once you sit with your truth, they say, you cannot shame the shameless.”
“Once you can tell yourself these uncomfortable truths—I’m not always going to be childless, I’m not always going to be without a spouse or a partner if I so desire it. What I desire, desires me, too. This is where I am. This is what it is right now. The moment you can tell yourself those ugly truths, they become beautiful. Sometimes, I’m happy and lucky that I get to experience life this way and learn my lessons this way. Eventually, when the person that’s made for me comes along, I know that I’m more mature, I know that I’m in a better headspace, and I know what it’s like to be in a relationship.”
Toke was previously married to businessman Maje Ayida in 2014, but their marriage ended in 2017. In late 2024, rumors spread that she had married her longtime friend, Farouk Umar. However, she quickly dismissed the speculation, explaining that they were just close friends and that the supposed wedding was actually her Thanksgiving event.
